Adults In Charge

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August 12, 2011 by David Gillaspie


Loud and Clear

President Bush came into office with a promise: “Now the adults are in charge.”

Aren’t parents the first adults we all encounter? We learn to love and trust our parents. We learn right from wrong.

Adults in charge must have been a comfort for everyone seeking their long lost daddy, or the mommy who left town with the traveling salesman.

Did President Bush want us to call him daddy? Don’t call him The Great White Father unless you want Andrew Jackson jumping up from his grave to put you on the march.

Maybe it’s the computer, maybe something else, but google “adult” and see what you get. (Spoiler: it’s not mom and dad, it’s porn related.)

Did President Bush’s idea of adult have something to do with the google search of adult? Either way, something’s screwy.

The history is already recorded. President Bush, The Adult, showed up with his own daddies in the image of Adult Dick Cheney, Adult Donald Rumsfeld, and Adult Karl Rove.

From the 4-Adults, America learned that pretending piousness toward true believers in Jesus is a short-cut to winning elections. If that’s not enough, pray for election fraud and it shall happen.

Then thank God for Florida and Ohio.

From the Four Adults came Scooter Libby, the fall-guy for the Valerie Plame problem. He should have known no responsible adult would take credit for exposing a CIA agent and their spy network; just like there’s no way he figured he’d be fingered.

Did Adult Dick Cheney make promises he couldn’t keep?

Did he tell his Scooter, “It’s time to step up and take one for the team, Lewis. But don’t worry, I’m an adult and I’ll have my man give you a presidential pardon on his last second in office.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“Come on, Scoots, this is your Big Daddy. Would I lie to you? I’ll tell W I’m tired of carrying his water for eight years, that you’ve served faithfully and loyally and deserve a pardon for exposing the hot chick at the CIA.”

“But I didn’t do that, boss.  You did.”

“Easy now, let’s not start that again. We have an agreement. An Adult Vice President can’t appear so stupid in public that he’d admit to something so un-American as ratting out a secret agent. That’s something that comes from the enemy.”

“The Russians? The Chinese?”

“No, the Democrats.”

“Oh, right. What if I don’t get the pardon?”

“You will, and here’s why. I told W if he doesn’t pardon you, I will spend my last day in office in a wheelchair. I told him I’d fake an injured back from moving furniture in my office.”

“Sir, you’ve had five heart attacks and a load of health scares. How would he believe you?”

“Maybe you’ve noticed, Scooter, that W and the American people have short memories.”

“Right. I forgot.”

“See? Done deal.”

Adult Cheney finished his term in a wheelchair. Rumor has it he tried FDR’s wheelchair, but it rejected him.

Today there’s another Adult on the national stage, an Adult whose adult moments are coming fast and frequent.

Can we expect better from this Adult than we got from the others?


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