May 13, 2011 by David Gillaspie
7 REMINDERS FOR THE YOUTH AND YOUNG AT HEART
1. No Falling Down
a. You may not fall to the floor under any conditions. If you do, expect a flurry of CPR activity whether you need it or not.
2. If You Do Fall Down, Get Up Fast
a. Failure to spring up brings a flurry of CPR, especially the dreaded sternal noogie.
3. Show Respect For Soldiers And Veterans.
a. They are allowed to hit the deck.
4. Be Accountable To The Brilliant Education You Receive.
a. Quiz your parents on your most arcane classes and declare you can’t believe they’ve never heard of it.
5. Clean Laundry Qualifies As A Miracle In Some Countries.
a. Don’t break the washer and dryer, they are saints.
6. Compliment The Chef.
a. “The jambalaya was magnificent. What gives it that mysterious, smoldering finish?”
“A few drops of Boogies’s Chipolte Sauce.”
“A few drops?”
“More or less.”
“Like an eighth of a teaspoon.”
“Might be too much.”
7. Learn To Appreciate The Land Around You.
a. Once you’ve seen new parts of the Old World, it’s all new again.