7 Mother’s Day Dampeners

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May 11, 2011 by David Gillaspie

Father And Bad Step-Father Response

1.  The kids forget Mother’s Day cards.

Father: “Let’s make something together.” 

Step-father: “Try and remember next year.”

2.  The kids wake up so hung-over they don’t know what day it is.

Father: “All right, let’s make some coffee and get brunch started.”

Step-father: “What day is it?  Man, have I got a headache.”

3.  You forget to call your own mother.

Father: “I sent a card and flowers that got there early.”

Step-father: “I called her last year.”

4.  You need to go to the store for the right cream cheese.

Father: “Ask mom if she needs anything else.”

Step-father: “Blue fuzz on cheese never hurt anyone.  What are you, a sissy?”

5.  The kids invite their friends over to watch a game on Mother’s Day.

Father: “Give them a call after we clean up the kitchen and we’ll all cheer together.”

Step-father: “Thank God.  Tell them to bring beer.”

6.  The kids plug up a main floor toilet that runs over for ten minutes, drains down a heat vent, and floods the crawl space downstairs.

Father: “Get some rags and buckets and let’s get this thing cleaned up.”

Step-father: “I can’t wait until you have your own toilet so I can do the same thing at your place and watch you clean it up with pillow cases.”   

7.  The real dad shows up.

Father: “Here’s a present for the best mother on her special day.”

Step-father: “Save it, loser.  You had your chance, now beat it.”

In the background George Thorogood rips into Hank Williams Sr.’s Move It On Over:

(sing along)

I come in last night about half past ten,
That baby of mine wouldn’t let me in.
So move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over little dog, a mean, old dog is movin’ in.

She told me not to mess around,
But I done let the deal go down.
Move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over nice dog, a big, fat dog is movin’ in.

She changed the lock on my back door,
Now my key won’t fit no more.
Move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over nice dog, a mean, old dog is movin’ in.

She threw me out just as pretty as she pleased.
Pretty soon I’ve been scratchin’ fleas.
Move it on over. Slide it on over.
Move over nice dog, a mean, old dog is movin’ in.

Yeah! Listen to me dog before you start to whine,
That side’s yours and this side’s mine.
Move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over little dog, a big, old dog is movin’ in.

Yeah! She changed the lock on my back door,
Now my key won’t fit no more.
Move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over little dog, a big, old dog is movin’ in.

Move it on over. Move it on over.
Move it on over. Won’t’cha rock it on over.
Move over cool dogs, a hot dog’s movin’ in

By David Gillaspie

 

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