April 29, 2011 by David Gillaspie
THE HUMANITY ADMISSION TEST
There’s more to living than just drawing the next breath. Do something with the gifts you’ve received.
No matter how you feel, there is always a moment. Try listening carefully, for example, to the smallest sounds in your range.
Lend an ear toward the silence. The sounds of the background buzz grows familiar. It’s the same noise outside your window, just further away.
It’s a part of your life, the part that’ll make you snap eventually. It doesn’t have to happen to you.
To gain more insight into who you are in the larger scheme of things, take the H A T.
You might even surprise yourself.
1. Finish this sentence, “Do onto others…”
a. before they do onto you
b. I haven’t done anything, and I have a witness
c. as you would have done onto you
d. just try to help out
2. Finish this sentence, “There’s no greater good than a man…”
a. who is not armed and dangerous in a library
b. laying his life down for his fellow-man
c. breaking free of the shackles that bind him before he lays his life down for the wrong fellow-man
d. lending a hand
3. Doing the right thing in the wrong situation may,
a. get you shot
b. get you frowned upon
c. end your career
d. give you your own Badge of Courage
4. You’ve learned to show gratitude by,
a. rolling out the prayer rug on a regular schedule
b. hitting the pew on a regular basis
c. praying to Jesus while you drive
d. saying thank you
5. You show respect to others by,
a. sharing your caustic personality equally
b. not pointing out every stupid thing they say
c. ignoring them unless they’re useful for your nefarious plans
d. using the good manners your momma taught you
6. Finish this sentence, “Every one is created…”
a. and ought to be born at home, not a hospital
c. one way or another, probably more the other
d. and should listen to their parents more
7. Being a good citizen is,
a. like being in a gang with an initiation instead of Naturalization and following set rules
b. knowing the nation is only as strong as the weakest link, and it’s not you
c. staying loyal and not switching countries because of something French-ish in your family tree, or stolen elections
d. showing compassion
8. Being a good partner means,
a. you don’t always have to drive the get-away car
b. not hogging the heavy side of the 51% vs 49% relationship break
c. you’re willing to be a whipping post, just not not for a real whip
d. showing some enthusiasm when you don’t get your way
9. The Classics are called classics because,
a. they are old
c. they are on vinyl
d. they represent the scope of western thought
10. You show your humanity by,
a. letting bygones be bygones and making a better history to remember, starting now
c. behaving yourself in public
d. behaving yourself even better in private
Get the last question right and you’ll be fine.
By David Gillaspie