April 8, 2011 by David Gillaspie
A pair of new shoes means different things to different people.
It might mean two shoes in a shoe box with one pair laced from other try-ons.
It might mean worn loafers dropped off at Goodwill.
If you want to walk where no man has walked, keep out of someone else’s old shoes. You don’t need a new podiatrist friend.
Since you’re buying old shoes to begin with, you’ll probably go crippled on your own.
Looking for a place to stay is the opposite of shoe shopping. At least it is here.
You can’t try out DG’s B&B until you pass the entry exam.
While it’s not the GRE, the MCAT, or the LSAT, the right answers mean you could probably get into graduate school, medical school, or law school.
a. 4.5 billion years old as determined by carbon dating rocks.
b. As old as the Old Testament says it is.
c. As old as your first memory.
2. How was the universe created?
a. The Big Bang Theory.
b. The seven days and seven nights theory.
c. Whatever Einstein says.
3. Where did man originate?
a. East Africa, determined by tools and carbon dated skeletal remains.
b. The Garden of Eden, determined by reading the Bible.
c. UFO landing.
4. How did man migrate to North and South America?
a. They walked across the land bridge once connecting Alaska and Russia.
b. They came on the Mayflower. Anyone here before the white man doesn’t count. They didn’t even speak English.
c. They came on a life boat from Noah’s Ark after it ran aground in Turkey.
5. Why did human’s migrate to North and South America?
a. They were in search of food, shelter, and clothing.
b. They were chased by dinosaurs.
c. They heard about beach front property on a warm coast.
6. How were early Native American tribal boundaries determined?
a. By common language.
b. They had no boundaries, they were one big happy family living in nature.
c. By fences on reservations.
7. Why is there so little written history of early Native Americans?
a. They come from the oral tradition where history is spoken and passed down through generations.
b. They didn’t care.
c. They carved pictures on rocks and got tired. Besides it was dangerous and they had no safety gear protection.
8. Which direction is more productive, space exploration, or protecting the earth?
a. Both deserve attention, but you can’t launch into space if you don’t have a platform.
b. Space exploration. It’s time to ditch this dump.
c. Protecting the earth. Do you know how much pollution a space launch creates?
9. If you could be anyone in recorded history, who would you choose?
a. Christopher Columbus, The Great Navigator. Who else could aim for Asia, end up in the Caribbean, and be celebrated as a great navigator.
b. Lewis and Clark, The Great American Explorers. Were they adventurers, spies, or ladies men? Since they were the first white men seen in many parts, they had to have a strong pull on the native beauties.
c. Hitler’s commander in WWI. Adolph would have gone on every suicide mission ordered until it worked.
10. Where would you live if you could choose anyplace in the world?
a. Where you border Idaho to make fun of potato heads, Washington to ridicule apple knockers, and California to catch their draft.
b. Where you could have a city place, a beach place, and a mountain place all within easy driving.
c. Any place near my family.
At the completion of this test you will be notified of your score. That and a check that clears will gain you admittance to DG’s B&B.
By David Gillaspie