February 1, 2011 by David Gillaspie
How To Fade Gracefully
Hearing the word Alzheimer’s spoken aloud sounds too much like F—You.
Seeing it applied to the formerly now generation, me generation, free generation baby boomers hurts more than it should.
If one in eight boomers get the brain-melt, it’s good to have a plan. It’s even better to be surrounded by the seven in eight who won’t be affected.
That won’t happen.
After the first seven you’ll know a friend of a friend who has Alzheimer’s or dementia or some god-awful condition.
It won’t be you, but just in case, here’s the first of a few tactics to keep on keepin’ on.
If you think you’re losing your short-term memory, start reading American history. Jar your mind with the votes and repercussions that made this country great.
You get two benefits. One, you feel patriotically renewed; two, you have a ready answer for every question.
To the ever more popular, “Where’s the remote?”
“You’ll find it in the Bill of Rights or in the couch.”
At some point the couch becomes the Bill of Rights and you break into The Battle Hymn of the Republic and take a few laps on the limp.
More historic answers:
“Did you pick up the dog crap?” gets the Gettysburg Address: “Four score and who gives a damn.”
“Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?” gets John Paul Jones, “I have not yet begun to run it.
Call yourself a historian. Buy a fake degree, a PhD. You’ve earned it, sort of.
That’s what your Dr. Spock-minded parents would say. They didn’t want little Johnny or little Jill to throw another hissy-fit, so they caved. And that’s all right.
It’s hard to imagine the Greatest Generation Who Won World War Two On Two Fronts getting cowed by their kids, but they did. Everyone knows it. A permissive attitude along with too much money and free time ended up in sex, drugs, and rock & roll.
Does that add up to Alzheimer’s? No.
If you’ve seen the movie of the Woodstock Music Festival; An Aquarian Exposition: Three Days of Peace and Music, or Woodstock, then you heard the announcement:
“DON’T EAT THE BROWN ACID. DON’T EAT THE BROWN ACID.”
Somebody ate that brown acid, that’s for sure. Does that mean Alzheimer’s? No.
Go easy on our boomer brothers and sisters. They laid the foundations you walk on today. Led Zeppelin playing behind car commercials?