Trouble Ahead, Trouble Behind

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January 16, 2011 by David Gillaspie

Did That Definition Just Cross Your Mind 

 

Words out of context easily confuse; falsehood repeated over centuries compounds the problem.

Herodotus, the Greek scholar called the Father of History, drew the map.  He was a smart guy who worked with the materials available.

There’s a reason he wasn’t called the Father of Cartography. 

Things change. 

Our era is no different.  Some words have already morphed into meanings.

CUT a deal?  

It’s the Louisiana Purchase, Manhattan, and Alaska.  It’s not Hannibal Lector.

NFL GUNNER?

He’s not in a Blackhawk, a Humvee, or a book depository.  He didn’t start WWI.  He’s a punt covering football player.

SHOOT a basket?  

Everyone except Gilbert Arenas knows the difference between a basketball court and a rifle range.  When he gets confused, he calls Plaxico Burress.

KILL a trade?  

Made a big money deal that gives you buyer’s remorse?  Cancel it.  No one dies.  I’m talking to you, Bernie Madoff.  You didn’t kill anyone, you just cut their hearts out.

FALL in love? 

This isn’t Delores Del Rio on the edge of a volcano.  This is the King of England and Wallis Simpson.

DROP a call? 

Get a new cell phone.  No one is heading into the Ronda gorge during the Spanish Inquisition where you fly if you fail the test.

SCREW the pooch? 

No, no.  Leave Lassie on the porch.  It’s a mistake, an expensive mistake like Gus Grissom and his first space capsule, according to Tom Wolfe.

HIT a homer? 

Technically you whack a home run by hitting a ball, unless you’re one of the juicers with arms hard as wood.  Then you can punch one out.

WRESTLE with a decision? 

If you’re a decision maker, you trained up to make the right call.  If you’re a wrestler, you’re trained to execute the right move.  Only one is a sport.

BLOOD LIBEL? 

Brought to you by the people who invented a god for each season, for every event.

Let’s just agree that people don’t spring out of anyone’s head like Athena from Zeus.  If you doubt it, check the science behind mammalian live birth.  Check reptilian birth.  Nothing jumping from any head. 

When you get it figured out, review the other myths.

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