Awburn? O-burn? or A$$burn?


December 31, 2010 by David Gillaspie

Oregon?  oREEgun? or Argon?

A BCS college championship game brings out the linguist in all the fans.

You mutilate strange words equally the first time you hear them, then do it intentionally afterward. 

It’s part of the game.

One of those exotic words is eligibility.

The Oregon Ducks will be the only team in college football history to face two of the greatest student/athlete quarterbacks since Vince Young from Texas; two men who share equal confusion of what college football asks of you.

Last year it was Terrelle Pryor, 6′ 6″, 233 lbs of The Ohio State greateness, suspended five games next year for trading awards for tattoos.

This year it’s Cameron “Cam” Jerrell Newton, 6′ 6″, 250 lbs of Auburn Tigerness, who didn’t know his father tried to trade him for church support. 

From a player point of view, the confusion is easy to understand.  You can get a sportsmanship tattoo, or drop a few bills in the donation plate and it’s all good, or at least good enough. 

Just not good enough by college football standards.

That’s the confusing part, apparently, and not the only one.

If the players and their eligibility aren’t confusing enough, the names Oregon and Auburn are.  Okay, not Oregon. 

Oregon is the thirty-third state in the United States of America. 

Auburn is a color.  You can look, but you won’t find the complimentary school for Auburn.   Hazel University isn’t on any map, but keep an eye out just the same. 

If you understand why a school is named after a stick of wax in the crayola box, explain why the school picked a jungle cat name for its teams? 

Aren’t there enough Tigers running around?  LSU Tigers.  Clemson Tigers.  Missouri Tigers.  Grambling Tigers.  Princeton Tigers.  There’s more, a lot more.

How many universities call themselves Ducks?  Look to Oregon to end the confusion. 

No one asks Auburn to rename themselves after a regional animal like University of Oregon Ducks or Oregon State Beavers.  Would the Auburn Snakes or Auburn Bugs be any better than a tiger?

As the January 10th game approaches, look for more clarification between the two schools.


4 thoughts on “Awburn? O-burn? or A$$burn?

  1. Jay says:

    Been in a state with mulitple national championships…back to back to back. And in the sport of kings, not the sport of thiefs.

    • David Gillaspie says:

      Know what you mean. The sport talkers said conferences outside the SEC bail on any recruit headed that direction. The story was, according to annon sources, that no conference can compete financially with SEC money.

      I’ll go ahead and say if someone slams any conference for illegal doings, it means more if they have proof, and even more if they stand up with the proof.

      Regarding The Sport of Kings: some say it’s horse racing, some say polo. I’d say wrestling because every king would sleep better knowing he’s got those guys guarding the perimeter.

      Good call.

  2. Jay says:

    Spoken like a true Duck homer. How soon the duck fans want to forget about the not so distant past of problem players.

    The Ducks will continue to suffer from the curse of killing the wrestling program – You heard it hear first:

    A$$burn 38
    Quacker 21

    • David Gillaspie says:

      Duck homer or Bandwagon Jumper, if you’ve never been in a state with a national champion contender in the biggest college game of the year it’s time jump as high as you can and drop both buns on the wagon; it’s time to believe the unbelievable and leave the protective asbestos panties home because you know you won’t get burned on this one.

      PS: Duck wrestling is on the way back according to blueprints of facility renovations. Just another reason to fly Duck Air.

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