Your Relationship With You

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June 29, 2010 by David Gillaspie

Human nature kicks in hard on the question of right or wrong.  You always want to be right.  So does the person who is wrong.  If it’s too hard to decide who is right or wrong, find a third-party, but first agree to live with their decision.

The biggest problem with being right or wrong is no is one hundred percent one or the other.  If you get a traffic ticket in a sneaky speed trap, you’re not wrong.  No, you’re just not observant. 

The policeman who pulls you over knows the drill, heard every excuse.  He’ll write the ticket no matter what.  The best chance you have in this particular situation is doing an effective ‘felony stop’ routine.

For review: keep both hands on the wheel and repeat back to the officer every request he makes.  Wait for his confirmation before moving your hands in the slowest of slow motion for your drivers’ license and registration.  You’re going to get a ticket and that’s all you want to get. 

The policeman might get anxious with your felony stop routine, but they are trained in how to respond.  They might get upset when they learn you’re not a felon; they might think you’re mocking them openly.  What you are mocking is the cheesy speed trap and your own limited vision.  The felony stop routine preserves your relationship with you, and that’s the most important relationship you have going.

Right or wrong in sports is called winner and loser.  Look at the scoreboard if you have any questions.  In spite of the recent allegations, referees in sport are not crooks.  If they were, they wouldn’t be refs.  If they are crooks, and they do ref, then they haven’t been caught yet. 

The referees in the current World Cup Soccer make questionable calls.  That they make them in favor of Third World teams should be no surprise.  Soccer is the world’s game, and most of the world is Third World.  Soccer has a huge advantage over a game of kick the can, number one being no sharp edges on the ball.

Refs making call after call for the Third World teams helps preserve balance.  What is the percentage of third world players in the NFL, NBA, or NHL?  Less than the percentage in MLB.  The world has soccer, and they’re damn good at it.  You don’t have soccer, and that’s okay.  

Your relationship with you doesn’t suffer because you don’t understand a sport where top players get knocked to the ground by another players back-draft, get carted off on a stretcher, then come back out in ten minutes.  You shouldn’t base an opinion of third world politics on a soccer flopper.

The biggest challenge to your relationship with you comes when you place your trust in another, when you love someone enough to tell them you love them.  You expect the other person to help your relationship grow by making a similar committment. 

It is not helpful when the other person meets an online lovely and makes plans to get together on their birthday.  If you’re a man and do this, expect the worse.  Your wife might forgive you until you come clean and she decides you are a stranger to her, the biggest man-skank she’s ever heard of.

Your son may forgive you until he discovers you’ve been dating his buddy’s mom.  When your birthday rendezvous with your new squeeze turns into divorce papers from your old lady along with a march to the front door at gun point held by your son, you’ve got problems in your relationship with you.  But you’ve already shown you don’t matter anymore, so who cares?

At this point the most important person is the wife, the person who trusted you, the person you lied to.  How do they repair their relationship with themselves?  It goes like this:

“When you look in the mirror, you’re looking at the answer.  You didn’t screw up.  You didn’t break faith.  You know what you expect from someone else.  When you look at another person, make them understand you are the answer.  Not the answer to their problems.  They’re not the answer to yours, either.  But you won’t add to their problems by being a screw up. 

“Your husband, ex-husband, will see a liar the rest of his life.  He’ll man up with himself and admit he’s wrong, but he won’t tell anyone.  What kind of trim would he expect to pull if he comes off as a pathetic whiner?  So he’ll lie, and lie, and lie again.  He’ll lie about his relationship with you.  He’ll lie about his relationship with his kid and the shotgun.  He’ll lie enough, and often enough, that anyone he talks to for more than three minutes will know he’s a lying sack of crap.

“You, on the other hand, will build trust with every word, and the people you meet will know it.”

This is what I told a woman I met.  Then she asked, “Are you married?”

I said, “Yes, twenty-four years.”

“Why don’t you wear a wedding ring?”

“I don’t wear it at the gym because gripping steel bars wears it out.”

“That’s what my husband used to tell me.”

With that, I’ll be wearing my wedding ring, wear it out, and get a new one.  My relationship with me deserves at least one worn out ring.

What does your relationship with you deserve?


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