Step On Up

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April 10, 2010 by David Gillaspie

Escher's Relativity

You might be the richest man in the world.  Or the smartest man in the universe.  You might be movie star beautiful, rich, and smart, which probably means you are Italian royalty, or one of Princess Diana’s boys. 

If you are anything less, you share the same problems with the rest of us.

Are you an Olympic Gold Medalist?  A Super Bowl MVP?  Have you drank the milk at the end of the Indy 500?  If not, this is for you.

How can you tell when it’s time to stop playing the date field and settle down, without settling for less than the supreme queen of all spiritual beings that you deserve?

Bill Gates may not be the world’s richest man at the moment, but he once was and he’s still in the conversation.  Imagine his dating scene before he got married.  He picks up his date and asks where they want to go.  They could say downtown Seattle, or downtown Paris, and still get there.  Which choice tells Bill Gates she’s not the one?

He’s a guy who needed a good date filter.  He’d already seen the dates his pal, and Micro-soft co-founder, Paul Allen screens by the women he’s seen with in public: his mom and former tennis grunter Monica Seles.  Which one will Mr. Allen settle down with and start a family like Bill Gates? 

Neither is the likely answer.

If you are smart, you do your own taxes.  If you are Stephen Hawking smart, you get compared to Isaac Newton.  But if you are Stephen Hawking, how do you manage the ladies?

For one, be nice to your wife so she won’t say things after a divorce like, “It was becoming very difficult — unnatural, even — to feel desire for someone with the body of a Holocaust victim and the undeniable needs of an infant.”

After nearly thirty years of marriage Jane Hawking gets off that blast in her book “Music to Move the Stars.’  She might be due since he ran off with his young nurse, which answers the awkward Hawking and babes question.

Alexander Karelin made his name in international wrestling.  Known as ‘The Experiment’, Karelin spent a decade at the top of his game, the biggest and baddest Russian in a sport of big, bad, men. 

No one scored a point against him for ten years, or won a match in thirteen.  He was so far ahead of the curve that when asked to name his toughest match, he said it was carrying his refrigerator up seven flights of stairs by himself.

How does a man known for lifting 285 pound men upside down and dropping them on their heads find the right woman?  First win three Olympic gold medals, then on the fourth try lose to a chunky farmer from Wyoming 1-0.  Show your vulnerable side.

After that match in the 2000 Games the camera followed Karelin behind the scenes where a young woman comforted the crestfallen man-crusher.  Don’t you wish you had that move in your repertoire?

Two who don’t play the sympathy card, or need one in their deck, are Tom Brady and  Dario Franchitti.  The first is married to Gisele Bundchen after a well documented dating spree, the second to Ashley Judd.  Dario might have won a rain-shortened Indy at 415 miles, but know he goes the distance with his thoroughbred wife from the Blue Grass state.

Does Tom Brady know how to step up in the pocket, or step up the dating ladder?  Yes, but does he know how to step up and be a husband?  Keep your scorecards ready.  Will he go Kurt Warner fundamental, Tiger Woods open season, or land some place in between?

Tom knows the drill.  He’s got the goods.  My take is that he’ll show questioning couples how to stick a marriage.

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