February 9, 2010 by David Gillaspie
This is George Will. He writes for the Washington Post Writers Group. In the moment this picture was taken he is not writing.
What is he doing?
Is George Will demonstrating his idea of health care reform by explaining how doctors can give two men physicals at the same time, thus cutting health care expenditures in half?
Dr. Will: “This may be a little uncomfortable.”
Patient #1: “More uncomfortable than most of your ideas?”
Patient #2: “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
Patient #1: “Don’t you need a glove?”
Or, maybe George Will saw the pictures Portland Trailblazer Greg Oden sent to his lady friend? You’ve heard about this? A young man with a camera, a mirror, and some spare time a year and a half ago, took and sent full frontal nude shots of himself. Whether it’s right or wrong depends on many things.
Greg Oden: “I did this a year and a half ago. I’ve grown since then.”
George Will: “Haven’t you grown enough? How much more do you plan on growing?”
The smart money on George’s gesture has him describing the one that got away on his latest fishing trip. If we know anything about a bow tie wearing eastie, it was probably a fly fishing excursion. Why the fly? Because it fits in with the button-down mentality, and it comes with a costume as silly as a bow tie.
Go to any outdoor store and you’ll find a salesman willing to outfit you for fly fishing. From rod and reel, to boots and creel, you’ll walk out with enough gear to make a convincing Halloween costume.
Look at me, I’m a fisherman.
George Will: “Believe me when I tell you, it was so big I didn’t have the heart to play him.”
Salesman: “We’re talking about a fish, right? Was it a sturgeon, because if it was a sturgeon from the Potomac you might have a problem.”
GW: “I’ve got a legal license.”
Salesman: “Yes sir, legal is one thing, right is another. If it was a shortnose sturgeon, it’s an endangered species.”
GW: “Either way, I didn’t keep it. I did nothing wrong.”
Salesman: “Take it easy, Mr. Will. It’s not like I’m asking if you stole a top-secret briefing book from President Jimmy Carter’s office so you could land the presidency for Ronald Reagan.”
GW: “As I’ve said before, I gave it a cursory glance, and found it a crashing bore and next to useless.”
Salesman: “Of course. Our doorman will need to check your creel on the way out of the store.”
Mr. Will’s current fishing trip landed former Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, who he describes as President Mitch Daniels in 2013. His vice president would be former congressman Paul Ryan. Together the three of them will address what George Will calls “America’s Ponzi entitlement structure.”
Isn’t it a little early to mention anything Ponzi? Let’s give Bernie ‘Ponzi Maestro’ Madof his time in the sun with that name.
Part of the solutions in the Will Doctrine include tax reform. It’s also part of the problem when he quotes George W. Bush’s statement that the code is “a complicated mess” and a “drag on our economy” with a promise to “reform and simplify” it. That might qualify for thunderous applause at the 2004 Republican convention, but why use a quote that includes the words ‘George W. Bush, mess, and simple?’ It may all be true, but haven’t we moved on since then?
What George Will is showing in the above photo is how much rope a man really needs to hang himself. An official hangman needs enough to tie the knot with thirteen wraps and drape the rope from the gallows.
George Will shows how much piano wire you’d need for a garrote. It’s a two-man job, but the results are the same. If you hear someone sneaking up behind you, relax. Take a deep breath. Don’t disturb the righteousness.