September 17, 2009 by David Gillaspie
The Suspect Spectacles
Getting your eyes checked can lead to glasses. This is when you notice the two for one deals. Like everyone else I took my prescription in expecting a two for one deal. I came out zero for two, 0-2 on the scoreboard.
With no bitterness in my heart I took my glasses back. They threw in a complimentary exam to make sure the prescription I brought in was correct. Since it was a Saturday I got the relief eye-guy. A seventy four year old man in full vigor flipped the lenses and filled out his chart. My old-school visit filled me with confidence I’d get the right glasses.
“Give your eyes time to adjust,” were the retired optometrist’s parting words.
For a quick re-cap: I bought two pairs of glasses for the price of one. Neither one worked. I went back for an eye exam and another two pair of glasses. Neither one worked. This is where it starts heading south.
I called the store and explained my customer satisfaction in a polite business-day way. Then I asked for my money back, as in “My glasses don’t work. I’ve been in twice. Since I need glasses I need you to refund my money so I can buy a pair somewhere else. When can I come in and pick it up. It was the two for one deal.”
I wasn’t asking for much, but the gate fell. Nothing could happen, “I’m sorry but we don’t offer refunds. We do offer in-store purchase,” a woman said.
“Thank you, I’ve purchased an in-store product and it was defective. Now I want to return it. I’d like you to refund my purchase price. It’s pretty easy. I have my receipt. You probably do this all the time.”
A man’s voice cut in, “Sir, I understand you want a refund. We don’t offer refunds. Do you understand? We do offer in-store credit.”
I did understand. He didn’t seem able to grasp my understanding, “My name’s Dave. I called to…”
“Yes, sir. I know why you called.”
“Then we don’t have a problem? That’s great. When can I expect my refund. If any interest has accrued I’d like that too.” I took a shot from another angle?
“We aren’t in the business of offering refunds.”
“I’m not in the business of donating two hundred dollars to your company.”
“Sir, what else…?”
“Look, I know you’re trying. I really do. I can see you’re earnestness. You pass the test. You cannot offer refunds, I understand. I’m not even asking to speak to your supervisor, your manager, or your boss. You’re going to do that. When they see me picket your store front at your busiest hours they’re coming out to talk. I’ll have a picket permit from the city. While they read it I’ll tell them you and I had a conversation where it would have never come to picketing peak times.”
I took a breath.
“This is when they come and talk to you. They’ll know you have impeccable manners and insightful judgments on customer service matters. I’ll tell them that whether we get it done here or not. If you want me to talk to someone else, I will. Otherwise I’ll be walking the line with a sign asking for fairness. That’s all. Fairness. That’s not asking too much. I know you’re following the rules. You’re sticking to them like a pro. Look for me outside the front windows on Saturday. I”ll be the guy bumping into everything.”
The used guitar store blown amp.
The magic markered sound hole.