Working Darwin


July 19, 2009 by David Gillaspie


One of the sauna guys comes back from the gym babbling from too much heat: 

“You wouldn’t know it from looking, but I am at the forefront of human evolution.  That’s right, the forefront.

Some men do the right thing all their lives, graduate, get a job, get married, kids, retire and die happy.  I’d like that too, but I got the calling.  Humanity needs me and others like me.

Ask yourself who came before you, and I don’t mean your moon shining Grandpa.  Whether you think you come from divine intervention or a chain of events starting with blue-green algae and lightning; whether the fossil record or The Bible means more to you, one thing is for sure.”

He gives the cheesy smile that says ‘ask me.’ 


He walks down the side steps, shakes a towel out on the patio, and lies down.  Once he cools off from the sauna he’ll probably forget what we’re talking about.  I’d offer him a glass of wine, but it’s early.  Besides, the zip-liner drank the last three bottles and I haven’t been to the store.  It was the only way to keep him out of my trees.

“Here it is,” he calls out.  “My wife is twenty eight and pregnant.  I’m fifty seven.  It’s better than it sounds.  She’s a genetic biologist, which is here nor there, but she says the human race won’t evolve unless older men reproduce.  They are the ones with the potential for the most variations.

Why are we here instead of the other varieties of man?  Where’s Neanderthal man?  Cro Magnon man?  We’re here and they’re not.  Somewhere the DNA took a turn in our favor instead of theirs.  My little tyke might be the start of something new.  All I know is I’ve done my part, and if needed, I’ll do it again.

Down the road your kids and mine will come to a branch where extinction goes one way, survival the other.  It won’t be a decision either of them will make, it’s made for them.  We all want survival of our species.  We know how vital it is to the earth for all species to survive in an intertwined web of dependence. 

I am one of the few taking it to the whole ‘nother level; who is self-sacrificing enough to my fellow man that I attempt to father the future of the human race.  If there is an eternity, and why not, then we need frontiersmen like me to blaze a trail toward it.”

From the way he presented himself, I’m guessing this was all in his marriage proposal.  He picked the right listener. 

Or did his wife do all the talking?

If marriage is the smartest decision of our lives, and Darwin is your dude, then pay attention to science, especially the chemistry.


One thought on “Working Darwin

  1. brachinus says:

    Seems to me our ancestors did enough evolving back when their life expectancy was around 30 or 40. And whether we evolve more, or less, is pretty irrelevant. I don’t think there’s going to be some mass catastrophe such that human survival depends on mutant “variations” coming from the sperm of old dudes.

    OTOH, I’m already middle-aged, and that sounds like a good pickup line!

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